The Problem With Grocery Shopping
by TTCyclone
Summary: Hanna drags ... and Conrad out grocery shopping.  Conrad isn't too happy.  Oneshot.


Conrad scowled as he was lead forcibly into the town's grocery store by a far too chipper redhead and a tall undead man with glowing eyes.

Going grocery shopping was never something that he wanted – nor needed – to do anymore, ever since he had become a vampire. In retrospect, it was quite convenient, no longer having to stand in line for hours come Christmas time just to pick up a gallon of milk. Conrad never liked people touching him or getting near him overall, so he supposed that being a vampire was actually _helpful_ on some level. Not that he would _ever_ admit it aloud to the skinny redhead in front of him.

Speaking of which, it was Hanna's fault why he was being dragged here in the first place.

Hanna had wanted to take {…} and Toni grocery shopping (who the _hell_ would want to go grocery shopping for the _fun_ of it?), but Toni had to cancel because of a last minute rehearsal came up and she had to be there. Slightly discouraged but not enough to give up, Hanna turned to Conrad, asking (more like begging) for him to come along with them. Conrad had said no, but Hanna – being Hanna – didn't take no for an answer.

As a result, he had taken Conrad's pouches of blood out of {...}'s pocket and was now holding them for ransom unless the vampire went with them. Apparently, threatening the little twerp didn't help, because Hanna just kept grinning like an idiot. When Conrad asked for the dead man's help, even {…} couldn't get them away from the stubborn kid.

And so here he was, one agonizing ten minute car ride later with some blaring Queen's music and Hanna attempting to sing along. Conrad shoved his hands in his pockets, his dignity now in shreds, wanting nothing more to strangle the skinny redhead who was dancing just out of his reach.

"Aw c'mon, Connie! Don't look so sad!" Hanna said, turning around to face him as they walked through the automatic sliding doors and oh _God_ that annoying grin of his was _back_.

"Is this how you get your kicks? Blackmailing people so they'll do stuff with you?" snapped Conrad, glaring at Hanna as {…} walked out of his view to get a shopping cart.

"No. I don't call it blackmailing. I call it...," Hanna stopped walking backwards and held his chin between his pointer finger and thumb, attempting to look thoughtful.

"Annoying as hell?" offered Conrad dully.

"No...a gentle push. You need someone to push you, Connie. Otherwise, you'll never get to do fun stuff!"

The vampire snorted. "Yeah, well I'd like to push you right off a cliff."

"You wouldn't do that," said Hanna as {…} returned. The redhead took the cart out of {...}'s hands and started pushing it towards an aisle and away from the doorway. "You love me too much," Hanna called back over his shoulder.

Conrad clenched his jaw, but bit the inside of his lip during the process. "Ow! Dammit, not again!" he cursed, walking quickly after Hanna, the coppery taste of his own blood filling his mouth not helping with his mood. The faster he could get this over with the faster he could get his blood. "How can you _stand_ him all the time?" Conrad asked the dead man, who was walking in step with him.

{…} shrugged. "You can get used to him if you did more of the things he asked," {…} said simply. Conrad snorted. "He really likes you, you know," added the zombie, almost quietly. Conrad shot the dead man a funny look.

The kid liked him? Well he sure as hell didn't feel the same.

"Hey Ringo! C'mere!" called Hanna. {…} glanced at Conrad, but quickened his step and made his way over to Hanna. Conrad followed close behind.

Conrad found Hanna holding two boxes of cereal, one in each hand. He offered one to the dead man.

"Do you ever remember what cereal you used to eat for breakfast? Like Coco Puffs? Or Captain Crunch? I always used to have Lucky Charms for breakfast when I was a kid," said Hanna, watching {…} with wide eyes, waiting for a reaction. The zombie squinted, racking his brain for any kind of memory.

_I bet you still have that for breakfast, you little twerp, _Conrad thought, leaning back against the side of the aisle, letting his eyes scan the rest of the cereal names. His eyes finally rested on a box of Count Chocula, and his brow furrowed slightly.

When he was little, Conrad had always been scared of vampires among all the other creatures that 'hid underneath your bed'. He was always so sure that one night a vampire would sneak into his bedroom and bit him. Convinced that the only way vampires could get in was through the window (the door was far too obvious!) he kept it shut and locked every night.

Conrad wanted to laugh at the pure irony of the situation that he was in now. A kid who was scared of vampires who became a vampire when he was older...well, what could be more funny then _that?_

{...} shrugging and saying "I got nothing" snapped Conrad out of it. Hanna's shoulders briefly slumped, until he noticed what Conrad had been looking at moments ago.

"Oh Connie, look!" cried Hanna, abandoning the two cereal boxes by stuffing them on a shelf that wasn't even theirs and practically skipped over to the Count Chocula box. {…} took the liberty of putting the cereal boxes back in their rightful places, and Conrad winced inwardly. Hanna picked up the box of cereal and held it up next to his face.

"Gnee! This looks just like you!" he said happily, laughing gleefully. Conrad's lip started to curl.

"Can you stop screwing around and just get what you came here for so I can _leave?_" said Conrad through his teeth. Hanna looked down and put the cereal back on the shelf lamely. Conrad felt a surge of grief; he just wanted to get his blood back, not discouraged the kid.

"Hanna..." {…} started to say, but he got cut off. As if he had heard the vampire's silent apology, Hanna's face instantly lit up again.

"Connie, I know what we can do to get your mind off leaving! Let's play hide and seek!"

The way Hanna had said such a thing had made Conrad think that he was pitching some kind of amazing new cartoon idea to the people in the Nickelodeon studio. Unfortunately, he was stuck with a cranky vampire and a undead zombie with glowing eyes.

"What?" asked both Conrad and {…} at the same time.

"Yeah, c'mon it'll be fun! My mom always used to do it with me when we went shopping! Have you ever played before, Galileo? All you gotta do is close your eyes-"

"Hanna," said Conrad.

"-count to ten-"

"Hanna!"

"-then you open them, and then you gotta go look for the other person!"

_"Hanna!"_

"What?" asked the redhead, finally turning his attention to Conrad.

"We are here to get your _goddamn groceries_," said Conrad, so quiet it was almost deadly, "_not_ to play hide and seek!"

"Aw Connie, lighten up! Besides, if you want your blood," teased Hanna, pulling out of his sweater pocket the pouch of blood and waving it in Conrad's direction, "your gonna have to find me first!"

"_Don't!_ We're in public!" hissed the vampire, but it was too late. Hanna had turned on his heel and ran – laughing – out of the aisle. "Shit!" Conrad turned his attention to the tall dead man standing behind him. "Help me catch the twerp or else I'll rip off more then your arm!" With that, Conrad ran out of the aisle that Hanna had.

In retrospect, he didn't think that the threat was necessary; the zombie would do anything to keep the kid out of trouble. However, Conrad was already in a bad mood, and a certain annoying redhead threatening his food didn't help.

Dashing down to the next aisle, Conrad cursed when he didn't see Hanna. The sound of his laughing did help him locate the little twerp.

Hanna must have hijacked another costumers' cart, because when Conrad looked down the next aisle, he was riding it like a skateboard.

"Hanna!" said {…}, skidding to a halt next to Conrad.

"Nope!" said the redhead over his shoulder. "Gotta catch me!"

"No, Hanna, _look out!_"

Hanna whirled his face back around just in time to see him headed straight for a canned soup display. He quickly dug his foot into the ground, but being as the floor was tile, it didn't do much good as the cart and Hanna crashed into the display. The cans came toppling down onto Hanna and the cart, catching a few passing people's attention.

"Hanna!" cried both undead men, both running forward towards the wreckage. As an answer to their call, Hanna groaned. He was now in a heap inside of the cart, a layer of cans on top of him.

"Are you alright?" asked {…}.

"This is why you don't play hide and seek in the middle of a _fucking_ _grocery store!_" scolded Conrad. Hanna smiled weakly, but it looked more like a grimace then anything. He sat up slowly and hopped out of the cart, almost falling over if not for {...}'s hand.

"T-thanks Odin. I'm fine, j-just hit my head." He turned his attention to Conrad. "Well m-maybe we should play tag next t-time."

Conrad bent down and picked up one of the fallen cans off the ground. "Tag? Hanna, you could have gotten yourself – or more importantly, someone else – injured! Don't go playing games in stores!"

Hanna rolled his eyes. "Killjoy," he muttered.

"Ah! No, not killjoy, _concerned citizen,_" corrected Conrad, lifting a finger.

"Yeah, well hey concerned citizen," said Hanna slowly, glancing over at the wreckage, "I think I might have landed on your blood pouch and...busted it."

_"What?"_ Sure enough, inside of the cart where Hanna had previously been was a now broken and empty blood pouch.

Conrad wasn't grumpy anymore; oh no, he had now officially crossed that line. Now he was _furious_. The look on his face must have been generally frightening, because Hanna turned on his heel and ran the opposite direction. The vampire followed suit, but got caught around the chest by the taller zombie. He struggled, his feet no longer touching the ground, his arms pinned to his side.

"Gah! The fucking _**second**_ he lets go of me Hanna, I AM GOING TO FUCKING _**KILL YOU!**_" shouted Conrad at the top of his lungs.

Hanna ran out the sliding glass doors, hoping that Sage would keep Conrad occupied for a while so he could get a head start. Maybe bringing Conrad shopping was a bad idea after all.

"Well _Toni_ would have thought it was fun," muttered Hanna, now hearing the faint slap of Conrad's shoes in the distance. "Mental note: make sure that Connie's had his blood _before_ taken shopping."

* * *

**A/n: **Not quite sure how I got the idea, but I ran with it. ^^ This is what came out. Pretty good for a first HiNaBN fic, huh? I think it's funny. Lol and I love Conrad, by the way. Anyways, review!


End file.
